Long lost Love...

The girls and I rarely have the chance to spend time together just as girls, you know? Having Griffin has been wonderful but also a reality check! When you have a little 2 foot person who relies on you for their main food source you don't get out much (yes Mom I am feeding him other things but he loves to nurse!!). Anyway, back to me and the girls... Growing up with 5 brothers didn't exactly prepare me for the non-stop emotional roller coaster that is girl. When I was little I had 2 Barbies, one that Blake and I decapitated, and the other that we burned holes in using our trusty glasses (which we all had) and the sun. Suffice it to say I was not a "girlie girl". While friends were growing out there hair to have it long and curly, I was cutting it short and straight(there was alot of perming in the 80's but that was only because it made it very easy to do!). I loved hanging out with boys most of my childhood. Boys were what I socialized with at home and they seemed to be easier all the way around. If you got in a fight with a guy, you would punch each other or call each other on the carpet and it was over. I have several white slips from Whittier Elementary for fighting during recess that prove I could roll with the boys!! With girls it is a never ending string of peaks and valleys. Constant snapping at each other and gossiping, Yuck! With all that being said, there was one "girlie" thing I could not get enough of, dance. When we moved to 6011 Contadora Dr. fate intervened. Next door to us was a lady who taught dance out of her home. My Mom enrolled me at once. I believe I was 6 and completely in heaven. I couldn't learn enough. I would beg Pam, my dance teacher, to have extra classes or classes on Saturday(mind you I lived next door, poor woman!). Most of the time she would let me go downstairs and dance for hours in the studio, it was marvelous! I continued dancing til I graduated High school. I performed with the studio at recitals and competed all over. I danced with the high school dance team and was even an officer my senior year. Hell I danced at the grocery store, my backyard, the parking lot on the way to the car. Anywhere that had an open space! I did tap and jazz, modern and lyrical, but my greatest love was ballet. One of my proudest days was when my mom took me to get my first pair of toe shoes. I have goosebumps just thinking about it!! I had worked very hard to strengthen my ankles and every other inch of me so I could be on pointe. I don't remember every broken toenail or the severe muscle ache after countless hard workouts, what I do remember is a hand full of performances that I swear I was floating above the ground. The feeling of expressing an emotion without having to say anything. When high school was over my family moved to Idaho Falls and I reluctantly followed. My dancing days were over. On Saturday I had the opportunity to take the girls to see the BYU Ballet Company. Izzy & Ella started taking dance lessons in September. Izzy has chosen to do just ballet and Ella is still on the fence, she does a mixture of tap and ballet. They were excited to go see some real ballerinas. We had to drive about a half hour and as we did I thought back to my days of tights and leotards. A dull ache started in the center of my chest, which I thought was odd. As the lights went down and the Pas de Deux from Romeo & Juliet began I understood where the ache in my chest was coming from, it was loss or grieving. I had no idea that there was such a large hole in my soul. The performance was very well done and Izzy was breathless most of the time(Ella gets bored with anything pretty quickly and she was annoyed that we didn't have treats). We left the theater and on the drive home I started concocting ways to get back in to dance. Our town is not that big but I am going to figure out something. When I became a Mom, like it does with anyone who becomes a Mom, my gaze shifted completely. Everything became about my kids, my husband, my church calling, the house, the laundry, the bills, dinner AARGHH!! Some days it feels like you are just a robot on autopilot. Where is the passion and excitement? Well for me I found it on a stage in Delta, Colorado on Saturday night. Okay so while I was thinking about writing this I went through "the box". It holds pictures and memories from long ago. So I picked a few out and thought it would be fun to share! Laugh away at the hair-dos and large glasses!




Just as a update, last night was dance lessons for the girls. I have been asking since I signed them up if they were going to have adult classes and the answer has always been "when we have enough interest". Well last night I got good news that I can come and try out 2 different classes and see which one suits. Of course I will be dancing with teenagers but what better motivation to loss some more baby weight!!